I used to work at a local ice cream and candy store during high school.  During the summer, we were always swamped, so we always ended up staying until like midnight cleaning up all the sticky, shitty mess from like the sauces.  I hated it because you always left there smelling like fucking rotten soft serve...to this day I still don't like eating ice cream because that smell just makes me sick.

We're all happy the weather's finally getting nice...everyone's in a much better mood, the birds are chirping, and the sun is shining!  Alas, even though the snow is gone here in the North, the assholes remain!  Here's a good one to get your weekend started. 

"My neighbor is one of those guys that's an obsessive lawncare guy.  He's got every tool imaginable.  He has every gadget and yard gizmo, and his yard is always pristine.  We live in a pretty nice neighborhood and people do what they can to keep things clean and in good shape, but this nut is just out of control.

Three Englishmen were in a bar and spotted an Irishman. So, one of the Englishmen walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder, and said, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was a drunken loser."

"Oh really, hmm, didn't know that."

Puzzled, the Englishman walked back to his buddies. "I told him St. Patrick was a loser, and he didn't care." The second Englishman remarked, "You just don't know how to set him off...watch and learn." So, the second Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder and said, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was lying, cheating, idiotic, low-life scum!"

"Oh really, hmm, didn't know that."

Shocked beyond belief, the Englishman went back to his buddies. "You're right. He's unshakable!"

The third Englishman remarked, "Boys, I'll really tick him off... just watch." So the third Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder and said, "I hear St. Patrick was an Englishman!"

"Yeah, that's what your buddies were trying to tell me."

"My wife and i just completed the purchase of our first home!  Exciting, I know! 

Anyway, we had a horrible experience with the process.  We somehow got mixed up with this realtor that was a complete dolt.  She was lazy and not very bright.  We'd schedule to meet her to see homes, and she wouldn't show up...couldn't get a hold of her...and so on.

We asked for listings with a specific set of requirements.  Area, price, rooms, etc - right?  I mean, that's what realtors are supposed to help you with, right?  I didn't think it was too much to ask to see houses we might actually want to live in.

Well we ultimately ended up finding the house by ourselves - just by driving around one day.  I guess i've got to give her a little credit for getting the keys so we could see the inside...

So the deal goes through, and we're happily living in our new home, but it occurred to me that this woman made a bunch of money on this sale, and DEFINITELY didn't do the work to deserve her commission (which is way too high in my opinion - but that's another story).  I could only assume that she was making a boatload on other sales as well - so I made it my mission to make sure other more deserving agents got their cuts.

I ended up printing off the phone numbers for other agents...I found all the homes that our agent was listing and pasted the other agents' phone numbers over hers.  Heck, she probably made enough money from our house to like happily until someone figured out the prank, right?"

- By Ken & Mrs. Ken

"I once went over to my sister's boyfriend's house while I was supposed to be watching his cat.  He's always been a total douche-bag to me, and he doesn't treat my sister very well.  Well anyway, I had the keys of course, and a vendetta...so the day before he was supposed to come back, I had a couple of friends come over to the house, and we completely rearranged his house.  I mean, COMPLETELY!  We didn't mess up any of his stuff, but we took all the furniture and put it in different rooms...like we put his bed in the garage...we put all the kitchen stuff in the bathroom.  The best part was that we did it all nice - like made the bed (in the garage)...put his TV and stuff in the other room but set it up just like it was before, except in different rooms!

Well of course he knew it was me, and it was a lot of work, but it was hilarious watching him come back and try and figure out where all his shit was.  My sister thought it was funny too...

FYI, they are no longer dating  - I think she realized after the prank that i was right about him being a total dickhead."

- by Jeff

I was dating this guy for about 3 months. He owned his own business and really liked to flaunt his money. He was known to be a guy who drinks a little too much and likes the ladies... but PROMISED he would tame his ways if I date him.  Right...

3 months into it, he was supposed to meet my friend and I at a bar.  12 am, no show... 1 am, still no show.  I can't get a hold of him.  I am worried about his well being at this point.  Not like him to no-show and not answer phone.

We've all been bugged by telemarketers. Most of us may have even had a bill collector call a few too many times. But, before Congressional Privacy Acts and harassment suits, those collection agencies reigned supreme over all of us. These maggots feel nothing for the working guy who's just having trouble making ends meet. No sympathy for young guy who can't afford that outrageous medical bill. Nothing for the family who's forced to choose between food or heat. My crime? I fell behind on some bills. Happens to all of us. But when the collectors turned their spineless tricks on me - and refused to stop - I did what any self-respecting guy would do. I took the bastards to court.

I was behind on my rent so my best friend at the time, offered her storage shed to me so I could put my belongings in there, in the event of a soon to be eviction. While getting settled, (moving, etc) she and her boyfriend went through all my things and sold off all the good stuff at a swap meet. I confronted her and she blamed him wholeheartedly and said she had no choice but to make room for his things.

I let a fellow employee move in and rent a spare room in my house because he had just moved to the area and had no place to live. I had talked to him many times before he moved to the area and thought he was cool. We became friends and fellow partners in the Radio DJ biz.

After about 8 months I had a meeting with our P. D {Program Director} he told me that this guy was screwing up and his speech was not as clear as it was when he first got there so I would be taking his job and he would be getting mine. We both worked connected shifts he did the 7 to 12 and I did the 12 to 6 am shift and he hated the 12 to 6 am shift with a passion because during this shift you had to do real Commercial Production not just be on the Air talking and having a good time.